From my research, 3 facts about shame: 1) everyone has it, 2) no one wants to talk about it, 3) the more you talk about it, the less power it has over you. It is interesting to see how long it takes for one to open up about this particular topic.
I, at one time, was very ashamed of letting anyone know I am a recovering alcoholic. What was I afraid of? I didn’t choose this as my lot in life. I grew up in a bar in the South Bronx, NY. My mother owned that bar for over 30 years and I remember how alcoholics were talked about. The other patrons, who thought they were “functional” drinkers, would look down upon the suffering alcoholic. But I was ashamed….and I denied it for a very long time, because it meant I would have to do something about it….stop drinking.
From my experience I can tell you that this shame I carried around for so long turned out to be a gift. A gift because today I can help others get sober. It certainly is freedom to acknowledge I had this disease and I was not alone. But shame is a killer….and I hid behind it for many years. It made me drink more, become depressed and always lived in the dark in my head. Life is funny – today I say I am proud to be in recovery. I have a new set of eyes, I am trusted, I have a clear head, I love myself (you know this one was tough), and I am passionate about helping another see the light.
You don’t need to carry this baggage anymore…whether it’s alcoholism, substance abuse, sexual abuse, another form of addiction…..there is HOPE (hold on, pain ends). Lighten your load and start healing the shame that binds you. Freedom and happiness await you.
So here is the “book” definition: Emotions and feelings actually describe two different processes that philosopher William James highlighted – bodily driven ones (emotions) and thinky-driven ones (feelings). Emotions are your subconscious reactions to physical experience – the information from your environment that comes in through your senses (sight, taste, touch).
Emotions are your brain’s split second responses to a situation, and they kick off changes in your body.
Feelings are your conscious reactions expressed in thoughts. They are your mind’s conscious interpretation of the environmental input affecting your body – in other words, feelings are mental experiences of bodily states.
Memory, beliefs and associations play an essential role in feelings, bringing meaning to whatever you’re experiencing.
Understanding the difference helps us take advantage of how the body and mind work together to shape who we are – which is the sum total of how we behave.
Here’s how I interpret….when someone says or does something that affects us, say in a negative way, our brain sends that signal to our body and we feel emotions. However, our “feelings” are a reaction to what we think.
Are you understanding the difference or still confused? I feel it is important to know the difference because so many misunderstandings and quarrels and outright fighting can occur from someone simply saying, “You hurt my feelings”….but in reality, those feelings came from an emotion that may not be accurate.
I prefer to keep my life “light” and refrain from drama or misunderstood circumstances by not “reacting” to what you say or do that may not be to my liking. I would rather step back, count to 5, breathe and then “respond” to you. Makes sense to me….I hope it does to you too. It just makes life so much easier.
Sometimes it is really sad for me after a Discovery Session. I am truly amazed at how many of us grow up believing lies. Unfortunately, many times, it is what we were taught to believe about ourselves. I meet with women for the first time to discuss goals, why they feel stuck and why they turned to a Life Coach.
The responses are quite interesting and filled with hope.
Our actions are always a result of what we “think” to ourselves and then what “label” we give that thought…which, in turn, becomes our behavior. Sometimes that behavior is quite crippling to our self-esteem and our interaction with others.
My belief is that you can have your life go from “good to great”…
False belief systems hold you back from achieving the gifts this world has to offer – AND – holding you back from what you were meant to be.
Don’t sell yourself short ~ YOU DESERVE THE BEST!
If you want your stumbling blocks to become your building blocks, let’s chat. Mucho hugs!
Happy 2016 – trust you had a great Holiday Season and that all is well. Our annual visit with family to California was awesome, creating new memories, long trip, short stay – but certainly all worthwhile.
So within the last few weeks, I have met with individuals creating their New Year – this was done via a Ladies Vision Board Workshop I hosted earlier this month – it was such a success, I am doing it again in February. In our discussions, it was revealed to me how unhappy most women are. They put their goals and dreams on hold to take care of others; and frankly, in my generation, that was the message early on. However, as time has passed you start to see some rewards, and yet a lot of setbacks with this type of thinking.
We have fallen somehow into codependency mode whether it be with family, a relationship, co-workers, friends. Now it’s not to say we shouldn’t be there for others, but damn….some take it to an entirely new level. Let’s take, for instance, some women/men with their young adult children, they become so enmeshed in their lives and lose sight of themselves. Our greatest gift to children is roots and wings – let them fly.
But back to your dreams and goals….because of that enmeshment you have overlooked what makes YOU happy. You put your goals on hold and they have been there and will remain indefinitely. Then the kids go to college, start their careers or businesses and now YOU don’t know what to do with yourself. Hence, the Vision/Dream Board…try it!
At the Workshop the women experienced laughter, tears of joy and hope for their future. It’s not just about cutting/pasting images on a Board – it was the whole experience shared with other women, saying out loud what YOU want in life – I cannot wait until our next Workshop. It’s exhilerating to see women come to life.
So on my Vision Board I had an image of a historical home in Bedford Hills. This home has an attic/loft which was what I had dreamed of having to meet with Clients in that area. As much as I enjoy meeting at Panera Bread and Starbucks, this particular location kept pulling my attention to open an office here. I will, though, continue to coach via Skype for national Clients.
After praying on this and sharing it with the Universe and others, it has become a reality. Now I had been thinking about this since Nov 2015 and here we are in January 2016 and I am moving in February. The Vision Board works….you look at it every single day in an area of your home or office and it is a constant reminder of what you want in YOUR life. Hokey you might think? I think not….from my experience, I have seen many dreams comes to life.
The aromatherapy and spiritual jewelry line (www.gloriafavreau.com/successories) was a dream I had for many years….Voila, it’s here. Click on Blog: “It’s Starting To Make Scents”….that, too, was on my Vision/Dream Board.
So when you are ready to start putting YOU first and creating or working towards what YOU want in life, changes you may want in life….start with a Vision Board or take pics and upload to your smart phone and look at those images every single day. With life keeping us as busy as it does, the distractions and challenges, it is very easy to forget or overlook YOU.
And many times, you just need that push, that individual that will hold you accountable ~ if you are ready to be a new YOU, (sometimes just a lil’ tweak)… I’m here. Life coaching is a partnership, focusing on your goals and your results. Let’s do this. Start LIVING your DREAMS ~ be happy!